WITH ATTITUDE PLEASE!

It's become vogue to tell women to use weapons of opportunity such as keys or other handy devices or objects. 


Of course some of us have been advocating this for years.  I'm BIG on encouraging women to weaponize and to learn to use their environment in self defense - whether that means wielding handy desk or kitchen objects as self defense tools or learning to use surfaces such as counter tops (for example in this B & W photo above). In this picture, I'm shoving off of the ladies room counter top (note the full force in my leg) to slam backward, slamming HIM into the metal stall behind us. I have padding- HIM! This could be the opening move to release the "strangle." 


But here's the deal: unless you bring full ferocity or wield a hand held item with REAL SAVAGE intent to harm in order to escape, it's useless. And it may just piss off a would-be attacker. 


Take a look at this video clip for example. With maybe one exception (the use of her index finger knuckle; the PHOENIX technique) her delivery is lame and ineffective. She lacks intent (not to mention POWER; note how her hips lag behind) and real commitment to drive the "weapon" of choice HOME so to speak.  

Now imagine wielding a key/ a pen or nearby vase (to the head or face) or your pepper spray but with the attitude of this Warrior Dame.  

Now, we're talkin'--and looking good.  If you need to go physical and wield an object as weapon do yourself a favor. 


BE THIS Warrior Woman and not the Damsel. Overcome what you must to bring "it" to bear. 

Q + A WITH DR. RUTHLESS ON HER "DHARMA OF DEFENSE" & WHY WE MUST VENERATE THE WARRIOR SPIRIT

Fierce and Female: A Self-Defense Expert Challenges Women To Define What is Non-Negotiable

What happens when you combine primal self-defense methods with the insights of a psychotherapist and the heart of a warrior? Meet Dr. Ruthless, also known as Melissa Soalt. An award-winning women's self-defense expert and Black Belt Hall of Fame recipient, Dr. Ruthless emerged at the forefront of the women’s self defense movement in the mid 1980's and has created her own “Dharma of Defense.” You can see her in action in her acclaimed DVD, Fierce & Female.

Her teachings encompass the physical and spiritual dimensions of self-defense. She unabashedly advocates for women to leverage their Killer Instinct —not for the sake of destruction, but to preserve and protect life. In this interview, Dr. Ruthless shares her perspective on the female warrior spirit and why we must learn to mobilize our survival instinct and forge fear into fire.

Brooke Axtell: What attracted you to training in self-defense and teaching other women how to defend themselves?

Dr. Ruthless: In my late teens, I lived in the Middle East and traveled around Asia. I was attacked multiple times and violently groped. I learned I was a scrappy bitch. I successfully fought off rape attempts in Israel and Pakistan and I suffered a lot of indignities. Women who have been violated know what it’s like to be reduced to anti-matter. It’s utterly dehumanizing. I also witnessed appalling inequities, the ways women are controlled by men. This birthed my undying reverence for female disobedience and the need for women’s self defense.

When I came home I began training in martial arts. Then, a decade later, in the middle of the night, a rapist broke into my home. He had cut the power and phone lines. I heard the creaking floorboards as he headed for my bed, knife in hand. Fortunately my screams sent him fleeing before he reached me. That was a terrifying event. It propelled me from martial arts to the more practical, down and dirty methods.

BA: You have a unique approach to self-defense. How would you describe your Dharma of Defense? How did it evolve?

DR: My paradigm evolved from decades of immersion in the study of self-defense and the warrior mindset. Warrior paradigms are traditionally male. This mindset is dispassionate, detached and steely. It doesn’t fully connect to women. So my approach defines a female warrior paradigm. It's far more primordial. It addresses female realities (spiritual, physical, emotional) and helps women capitalize on their greatest strengths. It is rooted in my concept of Fierce Love and the radical ability to turn fear into fire. It's a fusion of primal self defense - which plugs into elemental powers and capacities- and the resolute heart of the female warrior. 


We need to honor ourselves with a larger view of spirituality that includes this fearsome potential. My paradigm closes the divide between our 'higher' and 'baser' (animal) selves and imparts a unifying, more wholesome and lustier  self-persona. I view this as part of the Fighting Eros of Life. 


My work is born out of two very deep feelings: love and fury. Women must know they too can be dangerous creatures and not just feel like the endangered ones.

BA: Can you tell us about the fighting methods you teach?

DR: Attacks against women happen at terrifyingly close range. The predator will use his greater size and strength to dominate his intended prey and gain compliance or control.

I want women to have the option to fight. Tight quarters calls for explosive, instinctive, uncomplicated in-fighting skills that rip from our lower center of gravity and base of power, from our hips, legs and core. I teach women smart timing strategies, how to harness the formidable charge of fear and adrenaline, refashion their bodies into decisive penetrating weapons (plus how to wield handy weapons) and counterattack to escape. 


If a female chooses to fight back she needs to be armed with this ferocity and skill. The killer instinct, nestled within ferocity, not only helps fund a woman’s fight, but it can also help a woman kill her own fear which is sometimes necessary.

BA: You speak extensively about awakening the warrior spirit in women. What is the warrior spirit and how can women reconnect with this?

DR: The female warrior spirit has always existed. It is a primordial seed that needs to be released from the field of potentials and realized in our waking dimension. We need to grasp its memory, this elemental power from our prehistoric past and bring it into the present. With the courage it liberates, we can create far more equitable and enlightened societies.

I abhor war. But we can reject war and embrace the warrior spirit. We don’t have to relinquish our ideals for a just, compassionate world, but we also need other tools. We need to own this choice to aggressively even violently fight back to protect what we hold sacred.

One way to connect with this spirit is by tapping into our lineage. When women hear real accounts of female warriors and “deadly dames” throughout history, they begin to cultivate new ways of imaging themselves and can internalize this spirit.

BA: In your experience training women, what are the inner obstacles or beliefs that keep women from aggressively resisting attack?

DR: It comes down to fear or socialization—much of it is rooted in the myth of female defenselessness or other internalized beliefs- "I'm too small; too weak; don't have it in me." Some internal conflicts stem from a religious ideal that disallows force or where self-love and this expression of power does not extend to the woman or Mother--only to protecting the child.

In the context of self-defense, these diminishing beliefs become obstacles, the "inner muggers" that can put a choke hold on female force or create potentially lethal hesitation. Conflicts need to be reconciled in advance, for example, “I'm a worker for peace. You want me to slam what?” This is imperative because all systems must be GO.

When women answer the question: What is worth fighting for? What is non negotiable, and define their sacred boundaries, ferocity naturally arises. This ferocity doesn’t just gift us with strength, but it dissolves inhibitions and arouses the will. So it’s a superpower. 


We need to be willing to fight for what we value most. I don’t see this in opposition to the calling to make the world a better place. On the contrary, when women receive the warrior spirit, and reap its muscle and might, this not only saves lives but it helps heal the ills and indignities imposed by fear. So it’s a curative tonic.

BA: How have other religious or spiritual concepts hindered women from embracing their capacity to physically fight back?

DR: In any fundamentalism, regardless of faith, where men and male religious authority maintain control and "protection" over women's bodies and behaviors, fighting back is a diminished opportunity. At this level, male protectionism has a dark side. Female force is intentionally kept in check, and unleashing it could be met with dire consequences.

But there are other hindering forces. Some “New Age” ideologies propagate the insidious notion that women are the all-nurturing, all-benevolent, pacifistic creatures devoid of aggression. This lopsided view is dangerous. It furthers the disconnection from our primal selves. Any teaching that fails to honor and validate women's aggressive potential, alongside the strengths of empathy and nurturing, does women a grave disservice.

We need to expand the definition of love. Love is fierce. Instead of shunning aggression, we must view it as a resource. Spirituality should not just be based on the higher self. Talk and empathy are not always saving graces. When we discourage women from learning aggressive self-protection, we inadvertently encourage them to submit to victimization and suffer its traumatic aftermath. We have to make space to include this vital aggression as part of our womanly nature.

BA: What kind of mindset shift needs to happen for women to fully embrace their capacity to fight?

DR: It's a monumental shift in stance: from ask to take. Women have traditionally been groomed in the virtue of asking, of “May I?” whereas men have been entitled to take. Sexual assault is violent entitlement, is taking without consent. Historically, taking and ownership have been privileges of men.

Effectively resisting attack hinges on women giving themselves permission, without apology, to not only be aggressive, but to take control. Gloria Steinem once remarked that taking is, in itself, empowerment for women. Nowhere is this more true than in fight-back self-defense when now may be the only time that matters and you literally have to take charge. When the only way out is through you have to counterattack and become the huntress not the hunted.

For a female, this is the ultimate reversal. Until recent times, this wielding of forceful resistance, especially in the face of control and fear, has been largely unthinkable. Forbidden. For many, it remains counterintuitive—so it takes learning and unlearning.

BA: If you could say anything to encourage women to pursue self-defense, what would you say?

DR: “Do it! Here’s the deal: Regardless of technique or method you are the weapon. The delivery system. Everything else is a tool, a force multiplier. Once this is fully understood, the need to acquire skill and cultivate our will becomes luminously clear. And to truly take our bodies back, this learning is vital.


Women are called to help the world, but as we challenge the old systems there will be violence and opposition. We need to lionize ourselves and be prepared. We need to mobilize our courage to burn down apocryphal myths and attitudes that perpetuate rape and violent entitlements. Fighting back is not the only or always the best solution, but it is a significant piece in the war to combat violence against women.

When women confront their deep-seated fears, which all women feel to some extent, when they realize their primal self-defending powers and consciously embrace the willful warrior spirit, it changes everything. Far beyond its life and dignity-saving benefits, the embodiment of the Fierce Female is vital to liberation itself, to shifting self perceptions, creating new internal power states, and to re-balancing the world.

In the end it doesn't matter how you get here—whether you're pushed by fear or pulled by power—what matters is that you arrive.”

NEWS!!! I'm thrilled to announce that this Q + A has also been posted to GLORIA FELDT's website on her 9 WAYS Blog. Check it out! http://networkedblogs.com/u7nSu

©Melissa Soalt. No copy without permission. All rights reserved. Portions of this interview will be published in a forthcoming book. 

SQUIRM LIKE THE DICKENS!

1. "Our bodies are not decorations: They are strong; they are powerful, and when violated, they can be deadly" -
 Geneen Roth, bestselling author 

ONE FIGHTING TIP AND ONE PREVENTION TIP

I'm often asked- "What if I don't have specific training and I'm in a compromised position--such as on  my back, faced with an attacker or sexual predator?" 

All is not lost! Remember: YOU ARE THE WEAPON. And this: INTENTION IS THE MOTHER OF TECHNIQUE.  

For example, if you're being pinned and don't know what to do exactly but you have some range of motion (notably in the hips) and you've decided to resist, your goal is to get him off. (Of you.) SQUIRM LIKE THE DICKENS! VIOLENTLY & AGGRESSIVELY twist and torque. Bite and punch and be relentless; be the unsuspecting wolverine at your attacker's throat/ face/ nether region. Be the nightmare. Go killer instinct. Smash everything you can.

If you're going to flail do it at one thousand percent. EXPLODE OUT FROM UNDER.  

Make yourself impossible to contain or to keep pinned. YELL as if you're waking the dead. The purpose of violently torque-ing underneath his weight is to create a gap, so you can free and use your legs (and other limbs) to deliver slamming kicks. Don't worry about technique. Sometimes going animal IS THE technique, and it allows us to then create better openings.

But if you choose to resist with force, don't test the water. It's GO time woman! 

And here's the simplest prevention tip of all. Simple but oft times tainted with undue shame. KILL that shame. Here's the tip- you already know how to do this : 

Walk away. Seriously. If you see trouble coming - be it familial or from a stranger- and you can remove yourself, do it. There's no shame in that. Don't merely hope or wait for a person to change their behavior. Self Defense means taking control and ACTING on your own behalf sooner than later.

Fierce Love. Find YOUR F Spot!

Love is Fierce. (And self defense is fierce love.)

Lionize. 


It's the focus of this post, and more that will follow. In many respects it is the heart and the blood-pulse of physical self defense. I mean when nothing else will do but counterattack.

Lionize. It's rarely discussed. Doubtful that you'll hear this in any women's self defense manual-- except mine. And you'll hear it a lot because it houses the F words:

Ferocity + Ferocious.

It's an attitude. A force. It can not only fill you with determination and strength, but the hidden gift of Ferocity is this: it dissolves inhibition and arouses the will to fight.

For a female (typically smaller with less mass and muscle) this isn't just some New Age empowerment soundbite- this isn't faux ferocity-- but a vital tool in the arsenal. A weapon that can to be sharpened, cultivated and worn on the inside, which is in itself a deterrent.

Learning to mobilize this ferocity in the face of what may otherwise be stultifying FEAR is part of the process of becoming an effective self-defender. 

Ferocity is a gift that keeps on giving. Nestled inside ferocity lies another primal powerhouse: KILLER INSTINCT. It's an ugly term I know. I'm in this 26 years now and it took me many years to come to terms with this word-- because it grates against my being-- and not couch it in the more palatable language of "Survival Instinct" which it's connected to. But Killer Instinct is a particular emanation and expression of survival. It's what allows us to engage and to wield the tools of violence (another ugly word) and direct it purposefully in the service of survival. In the service of protecting and preserving life - defending that which we hold sacred.

I'm not advocating this for the purpose of destruction-- of course NOT. (For the record, I escort creepy spiders out of the house prayerfully cupped in hand while uttering benedictions of good wishes under my breath. I'm THAT girl.) But here's why I unabashedly urge women to leverage their killer instinct. Because it can not only fund and drive your fight if you must attack back-but it can also assassinate your very own fear. KILLER INSTINCT cuts both ways. There may be times when killing your fear becomes necessary, so that the unfathomable becomes fathomable. The unthinkable, doable. So that you can, in warrior parlance, take up the spear.

There is in every woman this deep-seated domain of ferocity- something of the cave, the primitive exists in us all-- but it's often buried below layers of fear and socialization. It needs to be called out of hiding and lured to the fore so that it can be freely tapped, judiciously focused. So that it can embolden our hearts. Once realized and switched ON, it's a potential game changer. 


To unveil find your YOUR F-SPOT (so to speak) you must first answer these intimate  questions: What is worth fighting for? What is non-negotiable? What do YOU hold sacred?  The answers to these questions will define your boundaries. 


And here's the best part:  When women arrive at these answers and feel it deep in their hearts, female FEROCITY naturally arises. It's a power that's as spiritual as primal. It's part of our whole-woman package--the fighting Eros of Life.


Welcome to my F world! With more "F's" to come... 

Where I Stand!

Q: Inquiring minds want to know-- "Does Dr. Ruthless suggest that learning to fight back IS the solution to violence against women?"

A: No. I don't suggest that fighting back IS the sole solution to violence against women -- of course not -- or that it's always effective or the best option. But what I am saying is this: when you boil it down, the answer to WHY men violate women may be simpler than we think: those who will do it because they can. When we discourage women from learning violent self defense we (inadvertently albeit) encourage them to submit to victimization -- not to mention suffering the traumatic aftermath.

The gig is up. To be safer and self possessed, and to pass power to our daughters, we MUST become literate in the strategies of combat. Until we know-- not just in our heads, but in our loins and limbs, in our sex and souls-- that we too can be dangerous creatures, and not just feel like the endangered ones, we will NEVER be safe or whole.

So here's my new rule: Instead of shunning aggression let us view it as a resource and learn to wield its tools.

GIRL POWER! "SOMEHOW I GATHERED COURAGE!"

Two fists pumping! 18 Year Old Kasmir Girl Fights Off Militants! (picture, mine.)

This is an awesome story full of real world Teaching - let alone victory. It speaks directly to the power of raw courage mixed with intent, martial spirit and primal instincts-- which often leads the body into action. It came to me, literally, while working on my group email, struggling on how to best capture my call for a NEW Female Dharma and Divinity that joins our higher and lower selves, closing the gap, the dangerous divide that cleaves Beauty From Beast...Voila!

This 18 year old girl fought back-- then pumped one attacker full of lead- against men who were beating her family, in part because she din't want to marry one of them. "I pounced on one of the militants while my brother hit him with an axe..." In terms of tactics and timing she did everything right: She grabbed him BY THE HAIR and banged his head against the wall. When he fell down she hit him with an axe, then snatched his rifle. "I had never touched a rifle before this, let alone fired one - but I had seen heroes firing in films.. "

Kashmir is fraught with danger. I only pray that her family will be properly protected.

  (LINK HERE AGAIN)

BE FEARSOME-- NOT FEARFUL!

Don't Be Fearful, Be Fearsome

THIS IS SO COOL! I discovered this on SCRIBD. A woman copied my entire web page entitled RUTHLESS RULES and illustrated it with GREAT drawings. Yes, it violates my copyright notice -- ahem, on the bottom of every page on my site-- but I absolutely love it. Have a look and read.

I've contacted this talented woman -- Hi Jessica!-- who posted and illustrated it to inquire about working together on self defense e-books targeted at KIDS.

Awesome! Don't you think?

Time To Wake Up: KALI is calling!

The Divinity and Holy Wrath of India  

This one of my all time favorite passages and quotes. Although it's about India (yes, I'm smitten) and the need for self defense-- and more specifically about the legacy of the Divine Warrior Goddess Kali; a lusty creator and destructress with multiple avenging limbs --it's really about All Of Us. It speaks to the urgency and power of WHY women across the globe need to re-inflame their innate capacity for self protection. Make that aggressive self protection.


The author of this passage is an Indian-American MALE, a writer and blogger named Suman Palit. (Written in 2002 but still relevant.) Read it. Everywhere you see "India" or "subcontinent" simply insert your own town /city/ zip code / land.


Open your mind, feast your eyes and mainline this wisdom:

"Giving women the tools of self-defense is quite possibly, the only solution that will work. It will not be easy, after all, any misogynistic male will shiver at the thought of facing an angry, possibly armed woman unwilling to submit to his violence. I believe it must happen...


Women empowered to defend themselves are their own best hope while the subcontinent smolders under centuries of repressed cultural warfare. The hope for this region rests on the effectiveness with which they can participate in civil society. The first step towards that is to make their uncivil husbands and fathers a little more careful of employing tactics of thuggery against them. Martial wisdom must be reseeded in their consciousness, their world-view. They must become stronger, more vocal, less ashamed of their gender, less fearful of the world. Then, and only then, will more generations of little boys grow to be men accustomed to women conducting themselves as equals.. 

India is a land where its people have chosen to forget, ignore or otherwise denigrate the powerful legacy of Kali, with her hands bristling with weapons, her garland of severed heads of tyrants and butchers, her fearless, growling rage born of innocence defiled. She is woman, she is earth, she is the fire that burns through the rotting brush of our societies. She rampages naked in all her primal innocence, her feminity, her sexuality, her raw, deep-bellied power for all of us to see, fear and to revere.

There is a Kali in every Indian woman, just sleeping, drugged by centuries of patriarchal propaganda. It's time for her to wake up, put her foot down, and draw her weapons from their scabbards."

Deadly Dames: Mother India Style

These "PINK VIGLIANTES" from India mete out justice against Bad Guys the old fashioned way--with sticks, Lathis to be precise. Check it out here!

In their makeshift uniforms (saris not sorry's), they "arm themselves with lathi - traditional sticks - which they have used to beat men who have abandoned or abused their wives and policemen who have refused to register claims of rape. "

This group or Gulabi Gang as it's called, has also attracted the support of an increasing number of men. (No, I have no clue what they wear.)

In cases of domestic violence, "we go and talk to the man and explain why
it is wrong. If he refuses to listen, we get the woman out of the house, then beat him. If necessary, we do it in public to embarrass him."

I know I shouldn't be grinning... but I am.
I support the efforts of these fierce fightin' femmes. And it further proves this point-- that we females are not all-pacific creatures and do-no-harmers, devoid of an aggressive nature, or that we go all sickeypoo around the (judicious) use of force. Nonsense!
Leave it to Mother India and her brand of Divinity to bring it home. Her wisdom is as good as it gets, so burn this in: Girl, you are already many. You are not one note on a flute.
Put another way, in my badland lingo, as quoted from my article in BUST Magazine:

"We are givers and gluttons, supporters and competitors, creators and
destroyers.. We too crave the F**K and the Fuck You."
Amen to our PINK sisters.

Make the Right Move

This past May and June I taught self defense in India. Amidst a flurry of Press was this fabulous article in THE HINDU -- India's National (English) Newspaper. A big shout out to BHUMIKA for nailing the PRIMAL essence of my messages, means and unvarnished language. Check it out here!

Fighting spirit! Melissa Soalt believes that if attacked, women should become savage beauties

When “Dr. Ruthless” answers the phone, it’s a sweet voice with an even softer disposition that I encounter across the line. I’ve read about her, and the website of this women’s self-defence expert is dominated by phrases like “fierce and female”, “beast girl”, “go ballistic”, “use dirty tactics”, “take control”. I’ve seen fighting pictures of her and does she look formidable! And then when I meet her, I’m stumped by the contrasting package that Mellisa Soalt is. She’s about five feet tall, has a petite yet sinewy frame, and is quite comfortable kicking ass and wearing jewellery.

While I tell her that it is reassuring to see that such a tiny woman has become emblematic of physical power, she gives me one of her favourite lines: “It is not the size of the woman in the fight, it is the size of the fight in the woman!” Melissa’s approach to self defence is really about breaking stereotypes. That women are small, defenceless, don’t have it in them to put up a fight…

“It goes against the grain for most people, especially women, to resort to violence. I am a non-violent person and believe in the least harm. But if you are attacked, you have to become savage," she tells me at some point in the interview. “I take the cringe response out of you. Everyone has the killer instinct in them. I believe that half the population in the world should not live in fear of the other half.”